TL;DR
This guide covers how to prepare for your first dildo experience: what to do before, during, and after. It includes guidance for both vaginal and anal use, advice on lubrication, position, and pacing, and product recommendations for first-time buyers.
The size guide told you what to buy. This guide tells you what to do next.
Choosing the right product is only half the equation. How you approach the first experience determines whether it's something you want to repeat. Most people don't talk about this part. They buy the toy, then figure out the rest on their own.
This guide fills that gap.
Before You Start: Setting Yourself Up
Create the right environment
This sounds obvious until you think about how many first experiences are rushed, distracted, or interrupted. Your environment affects your physical response. Arousal is both psychological and physiological. A body that's relaxed responds differently than one that's tense.
Set aside time when you won't be interrupted. Adjust the temperature, the lighting, whatever it takes to feel unhurried. None of this is about ceremonies. It's about giving your body the conditions it needs to respond well.
Get aroused before you begin
Arousal changes your anatomy. For vaginal use, the vaginal canal lengthens and expands with arousal. What feels tight or uncomfortable at rest will feel different when you're ready. For anal use, arousal doesn't have the same anatomical effect, but it affects your ability to relax the muscles that need to relax.
Spend time on whatever works for you: fantasy, touch, whatever. The toy comes after you're ready, not as the starting point.
Clean your toy before first use
Even a new toy should be cleaned before use. Platinum silicone washes with warm water and mild soap, runs through a dishwasher on the top rack, or boils for three minutes. For a full cleaning guide, read our Cleaning & Care page.
Lubrication: Non-Negotiable
Lube is not optional and not a sign that something is wrong. It's a functional requirement for comfortable penetration.
For vaginal use
Use a water-based lubricant. Silicone-based lube degrades platinum silicone over time. Water-based lube is safe, effective, and won't affect your toy.
Apply generously to the toy and to yourself. You can always add more. Use too much rather than too little.
For anal use
Lube matters even more here. The rectum does not self-lubricate. The tissue tolerates friction poorly. Use a thick water-based lubricant. Thicker formulas provide more cushion and last longer. Reapply as needed during the session.
Don't attempt anal penetration without lubrication.
Starting: Pace and Position
Start smaller than you think you need to
If you've measured and chosen a beginner-appropriate size, the instinct is still often to hesitate at the moment of use. This is normal. Your body needs time to adjust to a new sensation.
Start with external stimulation before attempting insertion. Apply gentle pressure without penetrating. Let your body respond and relax before moving further. This step takes as long as it takes. Rushing creates resistance.
Position matters
For vaginal use, lying on your back with your knees bent and feet flat gives you the most control over angle and depth. Some people find squatting or kneeling gives better access. Experiment with what feels natural.
For anal use, lying on your side with your knees pulled toward your chest is often the most relaxed starting position for beginners. It allows the muscles to release without actively working against you. Doggy-style (on all fours) is another common option and gives good access, but requires more deliberate muscle relaxation.
Go slowly
Slow means pausing, breathing, and checking in with how your body is responding at each stage. If something feels sharp, uncomfortable, or wrong, stop. Discomfort is information. Pain is a signal to stop.
For vaginal use, insert the tip first and wait. If your body accommodates, continue slowly. Stop at whatever depth feels comfortable. You don't need to use the full insertable length, especially on the first try.
For anal use, start with the narrowest point of the toy. Insert slowly, pause, and breathe. The internal sphincter relaxes on its own with patience. You cannot force it. If you feel resistance, back off slightly and wait.
Breathing
Deliberate breathing helps more than most people expect. Exhaling slowly during insertion reduces involuntary muscle tension. If you notice yourself holding your breath or tensing up, pause, breathe, and let your body settle before continuing.
During: What to Expect
First use rarely feels like you imagined
The first experience with any new toy is about your body learning to respond to a new kind of stimulation. The sensations may feel unfamiliar, intense, or muted. This is normal. Sensation calibrates with familiarity.
Don't measure the first experience against an imagined ideal. Measure it against whether your body felt safe, comfortable, and in control. Those are the markers of a good first session.
If something feels wrong, stop
Sharp pain, burning, or a sense of something being wrong are signals to stop. This applies to both vaginal and anal use. Take the toy out, give your body time, and assess. Unfamiliar pressure is expected as your body adjusts. Pain is not.
It's okay if it takes more than one session
Many people find their body needs a few sessions to relax into a new experience. The first time is information-gathering. The second and third times are where the experience usually starts to feel the way you wanted it to.
After: Cleaning and Care
Clean your toy after use. The sooner you clean it, the easier it is and the better condition the toy stays in.
For platinum silicone: warm water and mild soap, a dedicated toy cleaner, boiling (for toys without a metal keel), or a dishwasher on the top rack. Dry before storing. Store in a breathable pouch, not an airtight bag.
For the full cleaning protocol including guidance on keel and non-keel products, see our Cleaning & Care guide.
What to Use: Our Recommendations for First-Time Buyers
If you haven't bought yet, or if you're looking for a second product, here's what we'd suggest based on what works for beginners.
For vaginal use:
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Allen: slim profile, 5.9" insertable, straightforward design. One of the most comfortable first products in the range.
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Elon M: 6.3" insertable, 1.7" width. Slightly fuller than Allen, still in the beginner range. Part of the AI Fantasy collection if you want to add a companion experience.
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Jessie: slim and smooth, designed for easy entry. The softest starting point in the range.
For anal use:
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Neil: 6.9" insertable, 1.7" width. Manageable girth for anal beginners with enough length to work with.
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Allen: slim enough to be an appropriate anal starting point for most beginners.
Looking for a bundle deal?
The Brute + Cthulhu Bundle gives you two beginner-friendly products for $19.99 with free US shipping. Brute is sized for comfortable vaginal use. Cthulhu is a slim fantasy design suited to anal beginners. A practical way to explore both experiences without committing to a full-price single product.
The Beginner's Size Guide
If you haven't already read our Dildo Size Guide for Beginners, start there before or alongside this guide. It covers how to measure yourself at home, the difference between length and girth, and what the numbers on a product page mean for your body.
FAQ
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How do I prepare for my first dildo experience?
Start by creating a relaxed environment and getting aroused before you begin. Use a generous amount of water-based lubricant, choose a beginner-appropriate size, and go slowly. For anal use, lube is essential.
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What lubricant should I use with a silicone dildo?
Always use water-based lubricant with platinum silicone toys. Silicone-based lubricant degrades silicone over time. Apply generously and reapply as needed during use.
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How do I insert a dildo for the first time?
Start with external stimulation before attempting insertion. Apply lubrication to both the toy and yourself. Insert slowly, starting with the tip, and pause at each stage to let your body adjust. Don't push through sharp discomfort. Stop, breathe, and try again when you're ready.
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What position is best for first-time dildo use?
For vaginal use, lying on your back with knees bent gives the most control. For anal use, lying on your side with knees pulled toward your chest allows the muscles to relax most naturally.
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Is it normal for the first experience to feel uncomfortable?
Some unfamiliar pressure is normal as your body adjusts to a new sensation. Sharp pain is not. Stop if you experience pain. Many people find the experience becomes more comfortable and enjoyable after the first few sessions.
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How do I clean my dildo after use?
Clean with warm water and mild soap or a dedicated toy cleaner after use. Platinum silicone toys without a metal keel can also be boiled or run through a dishwasher. Dry before storing.
